Yeah, I know, it sounds really harsh. But this is the truth.
If you think that you can do something, anything perfectly from the start and keep doing it perfectly until the end, then something is wrong with your sense of reality.
Why am I saying this? Let’s see.
When you started to learn, did you fall? When you started to write, did you make mistakes? Are you still making mistakes sometimes when you speak?
No one is perfect. So neither am I and neither are you.
Whatever you set out to do will surely test your skills and abilities.
Whatever you do will need applying, testing and improving. This is a process where you actually learn new behaviors and new ways of being. It is like restructuring yourself.
It is just like getting a new job. Learning new things, having new colleagues, adapting to new situations. For a while you are uncertain and you surely make mistakes, you will feel like you are just not doing it right.
You will have negative feedbacks and you will feel miserable sometimes, until you find your new “configuration” to the new situation.
Until this point, you will fail in a few things.
Of course it is not about final and irrevocable failure.
It is just about the emotion, the reaction when you make a mistake.
I could have said in the title something like “You will make mistakes” as one of the laws, but I believe in a realistic view on life.
Although I am fully optimistic, realism by my opinion means to admit that when you make a mistake, it really feels like failing.
When you recognize that you didn’t get what you wanted, when you hit the wall, you reaction is not “Oooops I made a mistake”. If you really wanted that goal, then it feels like “Oh my God, how and why did I get here?”
So let’s get realistic.
Let’s face the fact that first reaction is “I screwed up”. After this, it is up to you if it remains a failure or it will be a mistake you learn from.
Maybe you ask yourself why do I insist on this idea. Of course you will make mistakes, everybody does.
When we make a decision we always start with a positive outcome in mind. Otherwise we would not start doing anything.
Then when our emotional state changes, we forget what we started for. This is how our brain works. This is how your brain works. I detailed this idea in a previous article.
When you start going toward a goal and you end up in a totally different place, there is an emotional reaction. This reaction will transform the situation into one of the following:
- failure – an acknowledgment of the fact that you are not where you wanted to be, and that what you are doing is not working so you stop.
- mistake – you realize that what you are doing is not taking you to the right direction so you need to adjust something and you start analyzing what should be adjusted and how you can adjust it.
It is important for you to understand that the reaction you start from is the same in both cases.
The outcome is different based on what you do with that emotion.
What you do with that emotion is based on how you start from the beginning.
The more realistic you are, the more chances are that you will overcome the feeling of “failure”.
When I say “realistic” I am not talking about what is possible or what is impossible. I am talking about being realistic regarding the path.
If it was easy or simple you shouldn’t put an effort tin it so it would not generate an evolution, a change that is important to you.
Being realistic for me means to acknowledge that you have weaknesses and that you are human.
Prepare for those moments when you stop. Prepare for those moments of unexpected or failure.
Most people can’t get up when they fall, because they think they are invincible, or that the rules of evolution don’t apply to them.
Don’t make that mistake and build your backup plan.
For example, when I want to change a habit, I start monitoring that habit. I make a table, columns are the days of the week, the rows are all the actions I need to take on a daily basis to change that habit or situation.
Every day I put the effort in it, I mark it with a red dot.
I know that there are days when I will just skip the effort.
But I keep that table next to my mirror so every time I look into that mirror I see what I did and what I didn’t do to get what I want.
This is my way of reminding myself that I need to go on until I get what I want.
If the approach is not working after I put the effort in it, then I change the actions I monitor.
I have a saying that I will keep repeating to you: “I don’t know exactly when and I don’t know exactly how, but I will get what I want.”
So prepare yourself from the beginning for that feeling of failure, and do something from the beginning to counteract it, transforming failures into mistakes, building your way to success.
No matter if it is about building a relationship or building a career, it is the same process.
If you want to change the man you are, prepare for the effort.
I guarantee it is worth it.